


The Slash and H/C Addict's Seasons 1 to 4 (Haiku)

by Fluterbev



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Episode Related, Haiku, Humor, M/M, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2017-12-25 10:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluterbev/pseuds/Fluterbev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally posted in my personal journal, these were under friend-lock for a long time, but I have now decided to put them here.</p><p>Season 1 to 3 of these haikus were written in 2006 (wow, was it really that long ago?) and summarise every TS episode from the perspective of a slash and hurt/comfort addict (ie, me!). A few of my friends found them humorous back in the day, and I hope they tickle your fancy too.</p><p>I have finally added haikus for Season 4 (January 2014).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Slash and H/C Addict's Season 1

**The Switchman**    
Thrust against the wall,  
“Put your hands behind your back!”  
Fangirls take notice!  
  
  
 **Siege**    
Scary dude tells Blair  
“I can use a man like you.”  
Jim  _so_  disagrees.  
  
  
 **Killers**    
Bad Irish accent  
And babe of the week. But Jim  
Howls in anguish… yum!  
  
  
 **The Debt**    
Now they are roommates.  
Sandburg has his own bedroom.  
Who are they kidding?  
  
  
 **Cypher**    
A million fans  
Shout, “Where is our rescue scene?”  
Then write it themselves.  
  
  
 **Night Train**    
Jim pushes Sandburg  
Up against another wall.  
Slashers cheer loudly  
  
  
 **Rogue**    
Bracket threatens Jim  
With Blair retrieving the wire.  
“Yes please!” we all beg.  
  
  
 **Love and Guns**    
We all curse Maya.  
Blair cries prettily though, and  
Jim offers noodles  
  
  
 **Attraction**    
Thank you, scriptwriters,  
For the gift of pheromones.  
Plot bunnies are born.  
  
  
 **Vow of Silence**    
Jim makes a date and  
Dice get breastfed, plus “Nice ass”.  
Oh, that blooper tape…


	2. The Slash and H/C Addict's Season 2

**Flight**  
It’s about friendship,  
Or perhaps something deeper.  
Jim’s hot in khaki!  
  
  
 **Out of the Past**  
Dials to control pain,  
And prettily battered Blair.  
What is not to love?  
  
  
 **Deep Water**  
Jim the gay vice cop  
Is what stands out. Plus, that scene  
On the couch with Blair…  
  
  
 **Reunion**  
Forty miles in the   
Wrong direction, gives rise to  
Mucho Blair fanon.  
  
  
 **Payback**  
The by-the-book cop  
Stirs up gang fights. Our heroes  
Save the day. Again.  
  
  
 **True Crime**  
Wendy has it right  
When she tells Jim, “Nice boxers!”  
Fangirls nod sagely.  
  
  
 **Ice Man**  
Rib taping scene. Guh.  
What more do I have to say?  
I rest my case, gals.  
  
  
 **The Rig**  
Must I spell it out?  
Blair  _so_  looked. He really did.  
So did we. Rewind!  
  
  
 **Spare Parts**  
If the car theft ring  
Don’t think Jim and Blair are gay  
They must be insane.  
  
  
 **Second Chance**  
Maya comes back. Drat!  
But Blair looks gorgeous in a  
Butterfly bandage.   
  
  
 **Black or White**  
I always wished that  
Blair was booby trapped instead.  
Plot bunny attack!  
  
  
 **Blind Man’s Bluff**  
Happy sighs abound;  
A hurt/comfort addict’s dream.  
The garage scene rocks!  
  
  
 **Hear no Evil**    
Piggybacked senses  
Live on in fanfic, as do  
Jim’s white noise earplugs.  
  
  
 **Light My Fire**    
The babe of the week  
Looks just like Blair. No wonder  
Jim falls for her charms.  
  
  
 **Secret**  
Jim is abducted,  
Blair and Simon find him. Yay!  
But no hug ensues.  
  
  
 **Dead Drop**    
The bloopers are great.  
“Blair, Honey? Are you okay?”  
I think it’s canon!  
  
  
 **Red Dust**    
Jim clearly thinks that  
The Russian chick is cute, but   
Blair is far cuter.  
  
  
 **Smart Alec**    
Blair kisses Molly;  
A blind eye is turned by fans.  
Look! Great big spiders!  
  
  
 **Private Eyes**    
His mom in Blair’s room.  
I can only speculate  
Where Blair is sleeping.  
  
  
 **Vanishing Act**    
Peace-loving hippie  
Cracks bad guy’s skull with spanner.   
Oops - image debunked!  
  
  
 **Pennies From Heaven**    
Yet again they prove   
They are so married, when Jim  
Tells Blair, “Use the spray!”  
  
  
 **Survival**  
We’re in ecstasy  
With all the great Blair whumping.  
Epilogues ahoy!  
  
  
 **His Brother’s Keeper**    
Boy, they clean up well.  
Tuxes. Whoa momma. Hotness!  
Now I’ve lost the thread…  
  
  
 **Sleeping Beauty**    
That pink heart should have  
Said, ‘ _Blair_  loves Jim’, not ‘Stacey’.  
I can dream, can’t I?


	3. The Slash and H/C Addict's Season 3

**Warriors**  
A throwaway line?  
Fans ignore Bilson’s intent:  
Shaman!Blair is born!  
  
  
 **Three Point Shot**    
If I was naughty,  
Blair/Orvelle slash would be fun.  
But I would get lynched.  
  
  
 **The Girl Next Door**    
Justification  
Used by writers for Jerk!Jim.  
Don’t agree myself.  
  
  
 **Poachers**  
The very last scene  
Warms the cockles of my heart.  
Arms round each other!  
  
  
 **The Inside Man**    
Many don’t like it,  
But Jim in bed having sex  
Makes it worthwhile. Yum!  
  
  
 **Vendetta**  
‘A twang’ and ‘a lilt’  
Are so incredibly cute;  
And so are our boys.  
  
  
 **Fool Me Twice**    
The sideburns of death  
Are extremely distracting.  
Oh for a razor…  
  
  
 **Storm Warning**    
Blair’s bloody nose is  
The subject of Jim’s concern.  
The sideburns are mine...  
  
  
 **Red Ice**    
Jim leans over Blair,  
Inspiring many screencaps.  
Plus, Russian bitch-slaps!  
  
  
 **Dead Certain**    
Woe, Cassie arrives,  
Fans gnash their teeth. But, at last!  
Those sideburns retreat.  
  
  
 **Breaking Ground**    
Blair falls! Jim worries!  
Then Blair is kidnapped. It is  
Good, despite Cassie!  
  
  
 **Prisoner X**    
Vulnerable Jim!  
It feels wrong, because that is  
Really Sandburg’s job.  
  
  
 **The Trance**    
Jim calls Sandburg ‘babe’.  
No subtext there, when he says,  
Blair’s got all the moves!  
  
  
 **Mirror Image**    
My attention is   
Drawn to Blair’s peril, despite  
Cassie’s heaving boobs.  
  
  
 **Finkleman’s Folly**    
I love it when Blair  
Gets all assertive and tough.  
So does Jim, I bet.  
  
  
 **Sweet Science**    
Blair loses his cool;  
Jim offers food as comfort.  
Such great buddy love!  
  
  
 **Remembrance**  
Loss of a mentor  
And called a freak by his dad.  
Such sorrow for Jim.  
  
  
 **Love Kills**    
Tragic assassin!  
Boy, Jim does pick ‘em. He should  
Stick with his boyfriend.  
  
  
 **Crossroads**  
A lover’s tiff, or  
A sign of deeper problems?  
Great angst potential!  
  
  
 **Foreign Exchange**    
Methos in Cascade!  
(Whoops wrong fandom). Pink dingo  
Makes a grand entrance.  
  
  
 **Neighbourhood Watch**    
Oh that breakfast scene  
Is terribly amusing.   
Blair’s algae shake, yuk!  
  
  
 **Night Shift**    
Misunderstanding  
Makes me want to slap them both.  
Gabe is on the ball.  
  
  
 **Sentinel Too Part 1**    
The rift between them  
Hurts almost more than Blair’s death.  
Fans scream their outrage. 


	4. The Slash and H/C Addict's Season 4

**Sentinel Too, Part 2**

Jim and Blair are one:

Spirits merge symbolically.

No subtext there, then...

 

**Murder 101**

Fans are united:

Brad Ventriss is a dick, and

Blair looks good roughed up.

  

**Dead End on Blank Street**

Jim betrayed again

By his bad taste in women.

Blair just rolls his eyes.

**The Waiting Room**

Jim’s sixth sense appears,

And we are captivated

When Blair gets carjacked.

**The Real Deal**

Undercover Blair

Bitten by Megan.  Meanwhile,

Jim and Vince play cop.

**Most Wanted**

Blair’s daddy issues

Are pretty much the only

Memorable part.

**The Sentinel by Blair Sandburg**

Painful rift heralds

The end of the partnership.

Will Blair take the badge?

 

**And finally:**

The end of the show,

But the story continues.

Epilogues by fans!

 

 

The End


End file.
